Tuesday

Fucking stomach problems with nausea at work. I was close to throwing up several times.
My psychotherapist is really good and knows her stuff but I think she is too confident and sure. She is almost saying that gender identity can't be suppressed. If initial programming was really hard, there was no information available, can't this affect your inner feeling? Then later you see yourself in the mirror and it matches what everyone is saying. For example, all I ever wanted was to look and dress like everyone else. Then I would see some outfits and would like those a lot BUT I wouldn't even think I could dress like that. And just several years ago I realized I like to look and dress differently. I'm still often a little anxious about how I look but it still feels good.