Sunday

Thinking about trying to find a job that I could do at home which would be a huge plus considering my health issues. However I'm afraid to lose my current position but that's unavoidable I guess.
There are moments when I don't really feel very feminine. I think certain topics/states/themes connect to my past when I was a 'guy'. My guess is that when such a connection is made I feel like I felt in the past. Not completely sure about this though which gives me anxiety.
When I have to motivate myself to push through suffering I motivate myself with my dream. However I noticed that often I know what is the dream but I don't actually feel it therefore I lack the motivation to suffer. I can remember a few times when I was exhausted in bed and I actually saw and felt my dream. A sudden increase in energy and I jumped out of bed.