Sunday

Not a great day. I have actual health problems. Many of them. They are always there but sometimes some problems become very raw if you will. So in the morning I knew a lot of work was waiting for me and that was off-putting. Then one of the main problems became 'raw' which was really unpleasant to say the least. Started shifting into a really negative state and I knew if I don't stop it now I will be done for the day. Maybe for several days. So I started working on the shift and the main thing I am using now is a certain perspective. I often think that it is what it is. I can't change the past or make my problems go away just by wishing. I can either give up, cry and die OR I can push through the suffering and potentially win at least a part of life. This view helps me not to linger on the problem for too long which allows me to work on the positives on the side. So this battle was going on for the whole day. I do some work, obsession and pain hits me, I work on my thoughts for 1-10 minutes and then I do some work again. People have no idea what it's like to live like this. It's like you are working 2 jobs at the same time. Anyway, right now I'm really tired but I'm just in a slightly negative state which isn't too bad considering. Right now working for the next week. Monday is coming so have to work on my perspective again so I can get out of bed tomorrow morning.