Today wasn't that depressive however OCD was wild. I guess I kinda gave in a little and it was intense. I noticed that the more you give in those obsessive thought loops the stronger it becomes and the harder is to control.
Once I asked my psychologist if OCD could progress if you let it go wild and free. He couldn't answer me clearly. Yes, it can. OCD can progress further and further, stronger and stronger. I personally experienced 2 things that prove that. One is that for me OCD started very mildly, it was just tiny bits of it and it was tiny and weak thought loops that weren't affecting my life. Years later I can barely function. And another experienced proof I mentioned recently. If I with all my strength try to control and limit my obsessions those usually don't grow very strong and you are able to function at least partly. Well and then if you let it go wild there is no end and it's VERY hard to slow it down and you simply exhaust yourself mentally. I would guess a similar progression could be happening with depression too.
Probably 80% of my obsessions are fear that I couldn't be an attractive woman in the end. Such obsession loops include many different fears and anxiety but all of them relate to the one I just mentioned. Then 15% of obsession loops are related to health issues and fear of never getting better. And 5% is other stuff, like other people's opinions, what would happen if I would come out to my parents, and so on.
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