The day was disgusting. It feels like OCD got momentum as it was the second day it was exhausting me really badly. Every tiniest bit of actual work I have to push, push, push... Sometimes there are moments when my thinking becomes limited or something. Usual tasks become a challenge.
After work I'm walking to the bus stop, feeling more neutral, doing some evening and weekend planning. Suddenly I see a girl with leggings and amazing thighs and butt. That was it, no more planning or neutral state. Fuck me. I miss times when it would have been only sexual attraction. Now that is only in the background.
In really bad moments I think about if I should maybe try a new psychiatrist and new drugs. I was off drugs for a really long time. Shit was making me dizzy and sleepy all the time. The question is if drugs would be a good choice in the long run when you lose the ability to deal with your crazy.
WHAT IF LASER WON'T WORK FOR ME??? One of the main obsessive and paranoid thoughts right now. It's like there are main obsessions and there are sub-obsessions. If you somehow are able to control the main ones then their place is taken by sub-obsessions. Those are easier to deal with as they have less weight but still I have no break.
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